before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
