If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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