This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Im part way to drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
