What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
