This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize