Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
