Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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