I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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