the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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