he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
