He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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