I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
