This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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