I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
