At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
