Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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