I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize