I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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