I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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