I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
