Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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