I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize