woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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