then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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