Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
