I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
