he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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