Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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