why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize