Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
