I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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