that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
