i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
