if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
