I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
