I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
