Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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