guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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