Got a toothbrush?
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
