I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
