I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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