I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
