my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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