Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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