what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
