hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
