thus making me awesome and them whores
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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