I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize