he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
