i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
