are you so shy because you have an std?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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