I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
