hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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