if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
