Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm really into asian looking animals
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
