Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
