he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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