she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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