If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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