I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize