don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
