I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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