If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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