I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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